Thoughts on 2012

I am at that stage already and there are still at least two and a half weeks left, but I'm reflecting.  2012 was, in many ways, the same as the years that came before it: ups, downs, joy, tears, success and failures.  I'm finding as I get older I appreciate all of these moments in some way - even if it's just that I still have the ability to feel pain and recover.  One overall theme of my 2012 was transition.

My year started full of anxiety, stress and fear.  The last couple years raising a teenage boy who was struggling was hard, to say the least.  Probably the hardest couple of years I've ever had.  My primary goal aside from providing for and protecting my family was to get my baby over the graduation stage. There were moments I didn't think it would happen. I was an insurance broker by day and a self-appointed officer of the law by night.  Where is my teenager, who is he hanging out with, has he done what he's supposed to do AND am I also showing him a right amount of love and affection or am I just 100% hard ass all the time?  There were times it was hard to shake one role for the other. And days I didn't think I was going to make it.  June came around and he did it.  It was one really close call but he graduated.  That was a proud moment.

Within two weeks of graduation, my son, daughter (then 8) and I piled in to his 1999 Honda Civic and drove to Alaska.  My kids and I tackled an adventure together that took us through British Columbia to the Yukon Territory where we slept in the car one night for the 3 hours of twilight the Northern Territories actually gets.  We saw grizzly bears and moose along the AlCan and finally arrived to our Anchorage destination.  I helped my son settle in his new summer digs.  He learned about hard work with manly men and packed his own lunches.  He came home a changed person and a young man that made me even more proud than the day he graduated.  I saw glimpses of the man he's becoming and this alone helped me to lay aside so much of the anxiety I had been feeling.  He's a work in progress, as we all are.  Finding his path like we all have to do.

I will leave 2012 behind and remember how I fought for my son and all the people who were there for us.  I am thankful that in a span of 12 months, life can change from anxiety and fear to peace and faith.  I am thankful for this moment of rest.  I have a new brother-in-law and nephew!  This year my family and I have new, fond memories and a different sort of trust in one another.  We went to war and left no one behind.  I look ahead to 2013 with great expectations: great success at work, more happy memories with my children, new strength for struggles that will come and an open heart for new adventures.  My quest continues to be a great mother, a faithful friend and an awesome contributor in my workplace all while truly loving this life I'm gifted with.

Graduating and Carbs

I don't jump on the bandwagon of diet fads and quick fixes.  I've avoided cleanses for the most part because it's a little too "dramatic" and inconvenient.  However, I've been seeing numerous friends on Facebook and people in my gym I consider athletes, talking about Advocare.  I hit a plateau that's been discouraging and frustrating.  For all my efforts in the gym and my diligence about clean food, I just haven't been able to break it.  I did online research because I don't think any jump start in the world is worth ingesting things that aren't good for you.  I was pleasantly surprised so on the wagon I jumped.  My friend and I have taken the 24 Day Challenge together.

It's a great combination of portion control and metabolism boosting, small, frequent meals.  It's supplements along with lots of veggies, a fair amount of fibrous fruit, healthy fats and lean proteins.  I've been able to cut way back on the coffee but interestingly enough, sans the headache, I find I miss my morning ritual more than the caffeine.  I may save a small fortune on this challenge though!  My apologies to Howard Schultz.

I'm toward the end of the 24 days and feel noticeably different.  I've lost around 6 pounds and have slimmed out but there are still a couple areas that could be slimmer.  I'm continuing with the food plan because the portion sizes and frequency work and it just makes sense.  Not listed as a side effect, but I swear to you, I smell macaroni and cheese everywhere I go.  I'm pretty sure the lack of simple carbs has turned me in to a fiend of sorts.  When I do decide to have a cheat, you can guess what's on the top of my list!

I'm feeling great and with life's transitions...  My son graduated from high school and is on his way to Alaska to work for the summer - I'm managing well.  This business of sending your kids in to the world is much scarier and difficult than I imagined.  While I joked about having suitcases ready for him at graduation, there is this other part of me that wants to hold on to this ankles and beg him not to go.  Alas, in the true spirit of parenting, I've done what I'm supposed to do.  I've prepared my child.  "Be nice to people!" and "Use your manners."  He can do laundry and bake a potato in the microwave.  He understands they sell toilet paper and toothpaste at the store and that car insurance is a monthly cost ("EVERY MONTH, MOM?!?!?").  Now is the time to have faith in that foundation that was built, take a deep breath and watch my baby fly.  Bump and fly perhaps.  I'm looking forward to the next chapter and watching a bit anxiously to see what happens for my firstborn.  Always, always his loudest and MOST enthusiastic cheerleader.  I also can't say this enough:  Having raised him as a single mom, I am so, SO thankful to all the people who have been there along with the way. Some here or there.  Some the whole road.  I could not have done this without them.  They make the "single" part of the mom title unnecessary.  Way too many people to name but I love each and every one of them.  My heart is full.

I fell in the trap of letting the blog peter out. Not because I didn't have anything to say but  because I have so MUCH to say and I wasn't sure how much was too much. A few people have been asking about this which helped confirm - I need to be sharing something!

Over the last couple years, my world has changed. Professionally, I joined an incredible firm with wonderful people who have made me feel valued as a human being.  I have been able to grow while taking care of myself and my two favorite people in the whole world.  Along the way, I gained good perspective and am finally ready to share some.   This blog will not be all about exercise and food
but since these things are important to me, it will make frequent appearances!   There will be more ramblings about kids and the challenges of parenting a young adult.  There will be a lot of mention
of volunteer time I'm spending with the Seattle chapter of American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I mentioned in a posting a while ago about my friend who chose to leave....  Her unexpected departure was a suicide and this was the event that changed my world.  My long silences were in part because I choked on these words and didn't know how to write about this thing that occupies so many of my thoughts and challenged all my beliefs.  She was a beautiful, smart, generous, accomplished woman. All the things I hope I am and will be. She was the first woman to teach me the industry I love. She said she saw great things in me and I believed her. In many ways she helped me leave the "girl" behind and become the woman I was meant to be.  I have always wanted her to be proud of and more so now.
She invested in me and I want to honor the meaningful way she lived and not the tragic way she died.  She dedicated a lot of time to community services that were important to her. If by talking about her, AFSP and depression will do anything at all to remove some stigma from these words - then I will feel something good is being squeezed out of something so incredibly devastating.  The world isn't the same without her and I miss her daily.

I'm not trying to fix the world here but let's talk about taking good care of ourselves, being grateful for things that are good and encouraging one another. This life thing is so much better when we do it together.